I Need to Vent

have you ever had those moments when you think your parents don't understand you? Of course you have, hasn't everyone i guess? well, lately i've been having those moments except in a way that i've never experienced. my parents have no clue as to how much discomfort i'm experiencing. i feel like they're treating my situation like i'll be back to normal in no time! but i won't. it's going to take years maybe for me to be comfortable with my new body structure. i feel like they're pushing me to heal when i'd just like them to let nature take it's course. i mean, DON'T THEY REALIZE THAT I'VE HAD MUSCLES TORN APART AND NERVES SEVERED?! I went to church today because i really wanted to get out of the house and it was JC's Farewell, but it was one of the most difficult things i've had to do since getting out of the hospital. i was confined to an uncomfortable bench and i had to sit for an hour. it was so hard for me to do and i ended up coming home crying because i realized that it's not going to be as easy as i thought it would. in 6 weeks i have to go back to school and i just know that it's not going to be the same as it has been in years past. how am i going to sit in an even more uncomfortable desk for 6 hours with only 5 minutes of walking time between periods? then my dad suggested we go to the office and ask if they could get me a "special chair" A SPECIAL CHAIR?! WHY DON'T WE JUST WRITE RETARD ACROSS MY FOREHEAD?! but now my mom wants me to go to this fireside tonight and even though i really want to go i just can't handle 2 uncomfortalbe situations in a day. i know that it'd be good for me and it's part of the recovery process, but i just wish they'd give me a break! if i'm not feeling up to going then i'm not feeling up to going. end of story! i really want to go, it's just that i can't physically strain myself anymore today. i've reached the limit! but they don't understand that. my mom keeps saying "oh, you'll be fine." HOW DOES SHE KNOW? SHE DOESN'T HAVE MY BODY! SHE DOESN'T KNOW THE KIND OF DISCOMFORTS I EXPERIENCE EVERYDAY! oh and to top this whole "my parents don't understand what i'm going through and they're pushing me too hard" rant, i discovered last night that for the past 3 weeks they've been secretly cutting my medicine dossages in HALF!! they seriously started cutting it in half only a week after i'd gotten out of the hospital! i understand that my dad is a police officer and that he knows how highly addictive my medication can be, but could they all just LAY OFF?? give me some time to breathe for a second??

Today has just been a really sucky day and i feel like when i'm having those kinds of days, my parents are supposed to be their for me but instead they're part of the reason my day is sucking.