Me Update

I seriously spend so much time ranting about the things that i love in my life (music,tv,movies,etc.) that i rarely talk about MYSELF! That's what a blog is all about, right? haha. If so, I suck at it.

If there's one thing that's been on my mind lately it's this: GROWING UP! As much as I want to play the role of Peter Pan and be a kid forever, I think I'm finally coming to the reality that I am almost an adult! In 3 months, I will be 18! What?! When did that happen? For the longest time I've laughed off a lot of things like: college, institute, steady dating, and marriage but now I'm realizing that...those things are right around the corner! I mean, I apply for college THIS SUMMER!

The other day someone asked me if I'm the kind of person who reflects on the past or lives in the moment. You know what I told him? NEITHER! haha. I'm always looking ahead. I can't tell you what I wore last week, but I can sure as heck tell ya what I got lined up for this week! I'm the kind of person that HAS to know what's coming next! That's why I'm always looking up spoilers for my favorite tv shows. So you can imagine that...this whole growing up stuff?? Not exactly liking it! I don't like not knowing what I want to do with my life. I mean, I've got it narrowed down to a few things...but I don't want to wait til the end of high school or the summer after graduation to know! I want to know NOW! I've got people telling me "follow my dreams" but are my dreams even realistic? Realistic for a 17 year old LDS girl from Mesa, Arizona? Why dream big if I'm destined to settle down and have a family anyway? NOT saying that is a bad thing! I truly do want to settle down at one point, it's just all the in between stuff that's confusing me. I honestly wish I was like those people who live in the moment because it would make my life so much less stressful. And I know that once I do have it somewhat figured out...something else is gonna come my way and leave me just as confused.

No matter what happens, I head into the future with the last stanza of William Earnest Henley's poem "Invictus":

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.